Sunday, 12 April 2015

{Ordinary Moments 2015} - 15/52 - Post natal feelings & frustration.

Last week was very hectic, bringing new beginnings. Another thing I want to start doing is being more motivated in regards to feeling healthier. I don't like to be negative, or just rambling on about something many of you may not think is worth reading, but I wanted to share an honest ordinary moment from me, about me this week.

When I gave birth to our second baby I knew instantly that my muscles seemed different. The midwife examined me to have a 5cm split. Probably from having children born 18-19 months apart, big babies, fast labours and all of that on my slim frame body. I carried all three of them the same - watermelon football shape out from, no weight anywhere else really. Phoenix was my biggest at 8lb14. With a small age gap again (almost 20months) it battered my already weak tummy muscles. I now had a 7-8 cm case of diastasis recti and my belly button also popped out all three times throughout the pregnancies and I've accepted that it isn't ever going to be the same again along with a suspected umbilical hernia. 

A small price to pay for my three beautiful heartless children i know but it's one I have to live, try to fix and cope with. Coping in a way that it does cause discomfort, back ache, tummy weakness, no core strength at all and lack of confidence. self esteem/ confidence has always been a weak point for me so this just added to that pressure for me personally. Motivation can be a hard thing for me as if I don't see immediate improvement, I get disheartened and just leave it. This isn't cutting it anymore, regardless of how tired I feel most evenings, I need to keep at it. I need to schedule proper dedicated time for myself, invest good efforts in making myself stronger in more ways than one, particularly my tummy and self esteem. I want o have more energy, feel more radiant as opposed to lethargic and weak. I know that 'clean eating' goes along side this and its something I want to include. I'm not that bad to be honest, my downfall is that I don't eat enough of the more nutritional foods, instead i'll just find myself so busy and stupidly forget and settle for whatever the kids have left, or just get a pain au chocolat! (This is more the case for lunch time) hydrating myself with water more is another factor to this! 

I have done a post natal rescue dvd before by Erin O'Brien, which is fab, I can do this from home which helps, it's just when to find the time once the littles are in bed. So i'm going to make more time to do this during the day, even if it means including the littles - they'll probably love it more than me! I've been looking at purchasing the MuTu system programme, i just need to feel more motivated first before buying more dvds! I've been wanting to go to a class outside of my home too which will give me more focus time, but it's just the whole not feeling like i'll be able to keep up with a class due to the 'no core strength' situation. Or wanting to start running again since my teens but its just confidence. Confidence can be such a rubbish aspect of life sometimes as it can really over power you in such a negative way and just wastes time spent really. It's funny as other than the occasional natural feelings when you question yourself as a parent, its there that I feel most confident. Being a Mama. When it comes to being Natalie - not so much. 

Anyone else relate?

I'm really not brave enough to post any before/starting picture just yet. it's something not relevant as its the feeling healthy part I want to master. it's taken me a while, but the marks gained from pregnancy and birth I am really proud of. I'm completely amazed at how I managed to achieve them, yes I have days when i'm annoyed at how clothes fit, or that I cant feel comfortable in that stylish crochet cropped top I saw in River Island and but hey its not the end of the world and there's always something else to wear and feel comfortable in. 

This isn't a post about losing weight, I just want to feel better about myself, feel fitter & remember that I matter too along with being a Mama to my three important people. This is an ordinary moment for me, not the most uplifting I know - but it's an honest little note from me, and i'd love to hear from anyone else thats over coming post-pregnancy tummy split (diastasis recti) or has even overcome it.

As I settle in to our new home, albeit being very busy still, I want to make sure i'm making time for myself. I am hoping to post my journey so keep a look out for future posts on my 'feel healthy goal' if you like.

Linking up with the lovely Katie at Mummy Daddy Me.
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15 comments

  1. Oh I can totally relate. My babies were 8lb 5oz, 8lb 2oz and 9lb 9oz with a 26 and then 20 month gap and I too carry all out the front, netball up the jumper style (although post Elma and pre Pip I was quite plump over the rest of me too) I remember trying to stand up after I had Pip and I had to hold my tummy to be able to stand up because it was just too painful otherwise, I was trying to use my core and finding nothing. Right now I don't think my tummy muscles have closed up, I don't know what the gap is, it's just a feeling and yes, trying to find any kind of exercise to build my core back from zero is a challenge - I might have to check out that DVD to see if it will help. Good luck and hopefully we'll both find our fitness again!

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    1. Mine haven't closed either, its soul destroying really as I just want to feel stronger. it all takes time though and its just a price to pay when carrying big healthy babies for some I guess. xx

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  2. I really like this - you are most definitely not alone in your thoughts and feelings and its refreshing to find that there are other mummy's that feel this way too. Im constantly battling how I look after kids and embracing a body battered by having kids, I try to clean eat but then slip up with several choc bars or cookies every now and then and it takes ages to get back on track! All ill say is thanks for sharing and good luck xx

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    1. I know the feeling with chocolate and slipping up. Thank you and yourself xx

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  3. Well done you for writing this Nat- as you know I also had a split from having my girls as they were both big c-section babies- and mine has closed down now to almost between 1-2cm. My stomach muscles are so much stronger than they were as well. At the time I didn't think it would ever happen but it has. My tummy is still not perfect, after all I gave birth to my gorgeous girlies, and my belly button is still pretty grim haha, but it's getting there (although I have been so lazy recently!) You can do it, I know you can! Good luck! xx

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    1. Thats amazing that you got it down to 1-2cm. and that you feel so much stronger, this is my aim too. My bely button is rather grim too but at least the girls thinks its wonderful! :) xx

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  4. I haven't got experience of DR but know what a frustrating condition it can be. Good luck going forward with your plans x

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  5. I had a 5cm gap with diastasis recti too... Not fun. Didn't recognise my body in the mirror at all. The NHS were fab, and after talking to my GP, she referred me to physio. After 6 months of physio, my gap had almost closed. I'm not pregnant again, so its all gone to pot, but this pregnancy has been so much more comfortable as I started out in a better place (my first 2 were 18months apart so there was no chance!) Worth asking your GP for support... They can only say no! All the best with it! Claire x

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    1. That was meant to say I'm *now* pregnant!

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    2. I've had various physio sessions, but they don't seem to go far and are not that extensive unless private here. Thank you xx

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  6. I totally get this. I have four children and small gaps between the first two and last two. I was very toned before children and my first baby, despite only being 7lbs 2oz ripped my tummy muscles apart. #ordinarymoments

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    1. Oh its a tough one isnt it as you are thankful for what your body has achieved but also it takes time to accept the change, embrace in a way but also gain the motivation to 'fix' yourself in more ways than one x

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  7. Totally understand where you're coming from with this Natalie; carrying babies puts such immense pressure on our bodies, and particularly big babies. My Freddie was a huge lad and as a result my tummy is pretty wrecked (like you, small frame and I'm not v tall) my tummy muscles also split and my belly looks kinda weird, but it's my back which aches. Need to do something for me which motivates me to build body confidence and core strength. You've motivated me to want to do this so thank you. I really hope u are able to find some time for you as Natalie- we can so easily become Mummy and forget about ourselves as us can't we? Well done you for writing about this. I know many mums will identify with this hugely xx

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    1. You've made my day with this comment :) So sweet of you. We can do this! we can motivate each other! it is so easy to leave our needs behind for the sake of making others happy. finding the right balance can be hard, especially through tiredness, or just over all feeling a bit sad that it doesnt look repairable. but where theres a will, theres a way xxx

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